I was born and raised in the U.S., East L.A., Califas, to be more exact, on First Street not too far from Whittier Blvd., close enough to enable me to see the smoke from the Chicano Moratorium riots. I come from a family of eleven, six sisters and three brothers, but the family always extended its couch or floor to whomever stopped at our house with nowhere else to go. As a result, a variety of people came to live with us. Former boyfriends of my sisters who were thrown or pushed out of their homes, friends who stayed the night but never left, relatives who crossed the border and stayed until enough was saved. . . .
Little did I realize that this is the stuff good fiction is made of: the stories, the fascination of the subject mater, capturing the moments and fleeing with them like a thief or lover. I began my apprenticeship without even knowing it.
The other thing I remember is my mother. Her relentless energy. She must have been tired a good part of her life and yet she had to keep going and going and going. I also remember her total kindness, the way a sad story made her cry, the way she always found room somehow in an already-crowded household for those with the sad stories. The nights she would stay up, a small black and white T.V. blaring, waiting for the girls to come home. The mornings she would get up, KWKW Spanish radio low, making the big stack of tortillas for the morning breakfast.
These two things, love of stories and love of my mother, or all that seemed female in our household, influenced me to such an extent that it became an unconscious part of me . . . . .
Family ties are fierce. Especially for mujeres. We are raised to care for. We are raised to stick together, for the family unit is our only source of safety. Outside our home there lies a dominant culture that is foreign to us, isolates us, and labels us illegal alien. But what may be seen as a nurturing, close unit, may also become suffering, manipulative, and sadly victimizing. As we slowly examine our own existence in and out of these cultures, we are breaking stereotypes, reinventing traditions for our own daughters and sons.
. . . . . .
My tio Rogelio was one of those who stayed for years. I became his consentida, he my best friend, until other interests developed in his life. He eventually moved and the distance between his house and mine became so far it took years to get together again. Recently, he visited me and was astonished to find that I spoke only in English. Straightforward, as has always been his manner, he asked me: “Why don’t you speak Spanish anymore?”
Good question. What happened? I did as as a child, I know only from others’ recollection, but what happened? Somewhere, along the educational system I lost it, and with it I lost a part of me. Yes, I can communicate all right now, but to feel that it is my own, to feel comfortable enough to write in it, that’s what I am missing. As a result, I will not be a whole person until I reacquire that part of me. For you see, a good part of my upbringing was in Spanish. Spanish images, words, moods that I feel I must explore before they are buried for good.
Of course English is my language too. I’m entitled to it, though it is the one I have learned artificially. But having Spanish stolen from me is lingual censorship. A repression that reveals to me the power of the language itself.
Consequently, I do not feel comfortable in either language. In fact, I majored in English and acquired a degree to erase what Lorna Dee Cervantes calls “my excuse me tongue.” However, my English is often awkward, and clumsy, and it is this awkwardness that I struggle so hard with. But isn’t that what writing is all about? The struggle with the word for the perfect meaning? Sometimes my mistakes turn out to be my best writing. Sometimes I think in Spanish and translate. Sometimes I go through the dictionary and acquaint myself with words I wouldn’t otherwise use in conversation. Sometimes I am thrilled by the language and play with its implications. And sometimes I hate it, not feeling comfortable.
And yet, I am amazed when people say one of my greatest strengths is my language. Funny, no? . . . I still say that if my works were translated into Spanish, they would somehow feel better. More, more, what’s the word? At home.
. . . . .
In my case, Faulkner was right; I became a short story writer because I was a failed poet. But when I began to write, I honestly went into it rather blindly. I never once thought of a potential audience. Perhaps just starting out, I didn’t have the confidence to think that people would actually be interested in reading it. I wrote what was natural, personal to me . . .
By that time, I had discovered the Latin American writers: Borges, García Márquez, Rulfo, Yañez, to name a few. Their exploration with form and voice was a thrilling experiment in modern fiction, I felt, and as eager to try my hand at it. It was a rebellion against accepted rules that, in essence, reflected their politics as well. Like Faulkner, they sought to see what they could get away with, and, as a result, gave birth to such a rich texture of literature that it is a sheer celebration to read.
This is where I got my angst for form, technique. But my worldview was obviously a different one because I was a Chicana. Once I discovered the Black women writers—Walker, Morrison, Brooks, Shange, again to name a few—womanism as subject matter seemed sanctioned, illuminating, innovative, honest, the best in recent fiction that I’ve seen in a long time.
Subject matter and form. They met, became lovers, often quarreled, but nonetheless, Helena Maria Viramontes was born.
–From “”Nopalitos”: The making of fiction” in Breaking Boundaries